Cosmo: Hiding Your Achievements?

Image courtesy of

“Women use an endless list of tactics to seem less threatening,” to their male partners, writes Jessica Bennett, in her recent piece for Cosmopolitan. And “it’s not necessarily a conscious choice. Women who’ve been trained to be effective at work don’t always have a template for how to be in a relationship,” she continues.

I completely understand.

So much that Jessica included one of my own little marital “tactics” in her story: letting my husband pay when we’re in public. Am I crazy? Anti-feminist? Backwards? Well, one could say all of the above (and boy, have I heard it!) But for us, this is just part of the new dance we’ve developed as an untraditional couple that deeply acknowledges our emotions, upbringing and hardwiring.

My Persian brain, for instance, is used to seeing the man take charge of the bill, so when we’re at a restaurant, Tim uses the joint credit card that I pay in full every month. It may sound utterly ridiculous to some, but for me, it’s like a public display of affection. And when we are with my family, it’s comforting for my parents to see Tim settle a bill, too. I guess this is, in some weird way, our performance. Tim and I may live in a progressive society, but our parents remain old-fashioned when it comes to money and gender roles. And we are happy catering to their needs (and mine) in this manner.

If you’re curious to know how else we make our marriage work – and how dozens of other breadwinning women (and the men who love them) strategize, plan and dance, make sure to pre-order my upcoming book, When She Makes More. Hitting shelves May 1. 


you might like....


Being a Mom Has Made Me Rich

A funny thing happened after I had my first kid—my income doubled. I had taken time off work for a couple months after Evan was born, and wanted badly to phase back into a work routine. But I also knew that my new life as a mother had changed things.

Continue Reading
all articles